By: Rhonda Miller
We went through the adoption process in 2008. We were blessed to meet our son and his birth mother when he was just two days old. He left the hospital with us, and we returned to our home state within a week. Once our youngest son was home you would think that I, like most moms, would want to focus my attention on raising our three wonderful children.
Something inside of me, however, was unsettled. I thought I was prepared for the adoption process, but at the end I felt like I had been through the wringer; and it was hard to simply pick up, move on, and immerse myself in the roles of mother and wife as if the emotional roller coaster had not taken a toll on me as a person.
When I spoke to adoption professionals and mentioned what surprised and upset me the most, they responded by saying they had seen it happen before. To them, biological grandparents coming into the picture was fairly commonplace. To my husband and me though, we finally had our third child in our arms with his birth mom’s blessing and then, two days later, we were faced with having to drive our baby to the attorney’s office so that his biological grandparents could raise him. We were devastated. That scenario was anything but commonplace for us, and it was not something we mentally prepared for in the adoption process.
Thankfully, after thinking things over, the grandparents decided that raising an infant was not the best decision. We were able to adopt the baby that we loved from the start. Despite the joy in our family, nothing could erase the pain that had blindsided us.
The way I was able to cope with the lingering dissonance within was to make a decision to try and help other adoptive families by telling them details about our adoption. I knew people that adopted, but I didn’t know the details. I thought that if I had been exposed to a broader range of specific adoption experiences, then maybe when we encountered some difficulties in our process it would not have caused so much emotional trauma.
Basically, I wanted to share the things that hindsight made me realize I wish I knew going into the process. To accomplish that goal I talked to many adoptive parents I already knew. I knew bits and pieces of each adoption, but I was amazed at the rest of the stories.
A few of the twelve adoption processes in my book went as smoothly as you hear about in the informational meetings. Most of them, however, encountered twists and turns that at times overwhelmed the families and forced them to make major changes to their adoption plans. Whether international, domestic, private, foster, newborn, older, or special needs all of the adoption processes held their own challenges and triumphs for the families.
I also wanted to share real-life answers to those questions that almost everyone asks going into the process. I wanted to tell readers how friends and family reacted to the adoption announcement, how long it really takes adopt, and how much it costs to adopt (what people were told and the fees they actually incurred). All of those topics are things that I wanted to know, or should have wanted to know, going into the process.
Even though no adoption is the same, knowing what other people have gone through can help smooth out the ups and downs in your own adoption process.
This is the book I wish I had read before starting the process. It is available on the Tapestry Books Website. Author Rhonda Miller will prepare prospective adoptive parents for the road ahead with detailed information and insight from those who know it firsthand. Join her as she candidly and realistically unveils the adoption process.
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