Star of the Week - Darlene Friedman

Star of the Week: A Story of Love, Adoption and Brownies with Sprinkles  - by Darlene Friedman

My journey to parenthood and adoption didn’t take a straight trajectory (wasn’t it John Lennon who said “Life is what happens when you’re making other plans?”). In my case, the plan was to live happily with my husband, Roger, sans children. At the time, it seemed like the right course for us. But things change and after a series of events— including a segment on China adoption on “The Today Show” that deeply affected me, and good friends who surprised us with the news they had adopted a daughter from China—we reconsidered our childless status. Before we knew it, we were full swing into our “paper pregnancy.”

As someone who has worked for an international woman’s organization (Soroptimist) for the major part of my career, I was knowledgeable about and sensitive to the plight of girls in China (and many other parts of the world). Although attitudes and cultural norms are slowly changing, the status of girl babies in China continues to be precarious, particularly in rural areas. So the thought of parenting a girl-child was very appealing to both my husband and me.

We returned home from China in November 1998 with our beautiful daughter, Eden. We quickly plugged into the many available resources, including membership in Families with Children from China, and a subscription to Adoptive Families. The Tapestry website was particularly helpful in directing us to appropriate books ( Over the Moon by Karen Katz was our favorite).

Roger and I are blessed (although sometimes it’s a curse!) with an exceptionally bright and sensitive daughter. We made her birth story a regular part of our lives and she started asking questions—and expressing profound grief—at a very early age.

As she grew older and started spending more time away from us, we realized that as wonderful as the resources and communities are, they couldn’t protect our little girl. Schools, even in “good” school districts, can be a battleground for kids who were adopted (or who have anything that sets them apart, for that matter). And it only gets worse. Now that Eden’s in middle school, her issues around adoption (not looking like her parents, being a minority, etc.), have escalated. She routinely hears racial/cultural epithets even though her school has “zero tolerance” for this kind of behavior.

It’s been awful to watch Eden struggle, knowing our ability to ease her pain is limited. For a while we worked with a great therapist who specializes in adoption (she is an adoptive parent with a Chinese daughter). We only went for a handful of sessions but just being heard by someone other than her parents was incredibly validating for our daughter. As her mother, I’ve tried to relate to Eden by sharing my own experiences. I was picked on as a child and also knew what it felt like to be a minority (I’m Jewish). But Eden quickly pointed out that at least I looked like my parents and “no one knows you’re Jewish just by looking at you.” True enough.

I should point out that our daughter’s struggles wax and wane. She is basically a happy kid—smart, funny, talented, and beautiful—who loves her family, her friends, her dogs and her life. But every now and then she hits an incredibly painful rough patch.

Roger and I came up with the idea for our book after going through the Star of the Week ritual many times with our daughter in grade school. It invariably brought up questions from her, and comments from her classmates. We recognized a void in children’s literature dealing with adoption within the school setting. We wanted to introduce the idea of adoption (and in this case, international adoption) in a non-threatening way, and help make it okay for children who might feel different for any number of reasons—unusual family situation, learning differences, etc. There is no shortage of things that kids can get called on.

Our book tells the story of one family with one particular set of circumstances. Yet it portrays those qualities that are universal: loving family, loving friends, loving pets, well-rounded and full life. We are gratified that early reviews in Adoptive Families magazine and School Library Journal recognized the book’s intent to start a healthy dialogue and cement the idea that what we share as humans on this planet is far greater than our differences.

 

Darlene Friedman is the author of Star of the Week: A Story of Love, Adoption and Brownies with Sprinkles, published by HarperCollins. An award-winning writer and editor, she serves as senior director of membership/marketing for Soroptimist, an international woman’s organization headquartered in Philadelphia. Her husband, Roger Roth, an award-winning children’s book illustrator, did the pictures for Star of the Week.

  

Comments

[Peggy Truitt]

A topic any adopted child can relate to, along with adoptive parents. A great tool to initiate a delicate conversation between parent and child about a difficult topic that keeps coming up once a child begins attending school. I would recommend to any family with adoptive children, whether from Asia or not.

[Joni Mantell]

I wish the book had gone farther. It presents the issue but not the comments of the other children, how the adopted child feels about that and how adults can help. I am left wishing the author covered more territory. Raising the topic strikes a chord but then it needs to go further.

[Marielena]

Star of the Week is a wonderful, warm book that speaks to children, but also to the child within each of us that went through "rough patches" of being different and not accepted. Illustrations and storyline drew me right in and speak to those "universal" themes Darlene mentions. This is one terrific book!!!